rinnn (rinnn) wrote,

Love each other, or perish. (Auden)

Every time I look at the girls' pictures I get envious because somehow they lead the life that I've always thought I'd have for myself. It's as if I was on a shopping spree when I was growing up, and the different lives that I could lead later on were all on display in bottles made up of Ideas and I could pick anyone I wanted off shelves made up of Weight and Importance.

But life turned out quite different from what I expected it to be, and not that bad actually. But, well... you know the tension of opposites? Well let me allow a very significant section of Tuesdays with Morrie to explain to you what the tension of opposites is.

"Have I told you about the tension of opposites?" [Morrie] says.
The tension of opposites?
 "Life is a series of pulls back and forth. You want to do one thing, but you are bound to do something else. Something hurts you, yet you know it shouldn't. You take certain things for granted, even when you know you should never take anything for granted.
"A tension of opposites, like a pull on a rubber band. And most of us live somewhere in the middle."
Sounds like a wrestling match, I say.
"A wrestling match." He laughs. "Yes, you could describe life that way.
So which side wins, I ask?
"Which side wins?"
He smiles at me, the crinkled eye, the crooked teeth.
"Love wins. Love always wins."

So you get it? You go through life having to juggle both ends on the opposite spectrum of things. I know I should spend more time with my grandmother and yet I don't want to because I convince myself I've got other things to do. That kind of thing.

So sometimes I'm contented to be just in my track pants and Tshirt because that's what I'm most comfortable in but I also want to be wearing the latest in thing because I've convinced myself that it's not acceptable to be wearing track pants and T shirt to town. I should be happy with this carefree life of meeting up with friends anytime I feel like it but I also want a regular group to hang out with every weekend night. I want to go further with my sport if I'm able to but yet I want time to engage in other seemingly more important activities like deepening my knowledge of Science, Religion and the Arts.

So how does one decide what one really wants to do? I think the answer might lie in religion, and by that I mean knowing what is the most important thing in this world and understanding and accepting the rules meted out fully. You go down to the crux of things, and strip away the layers that society has built to conceal the real importance in life. And Morrie might be right, that Love always wins. Because if you love God, then you will open your heart to Him and live your life following the philosophies of God and our Prophet. God does not say "You must dress according to the latest fashions"; instead He asks you to dress moderately so as not to attract evil. God does not say "Spend your nights out with your friends, and party like tonight will be your last night on Earth"; instead he says that your life on Earth will be used as testimony on judgement day and for the life you will lead when your days on Earth has been used up. 

But of course nothing is that simple, or else we'd all be saints and not sinners, and we all know what horrible sinners we are. Oh wells. Some things just got me thinking that's all. And I recommend that everyone read Tuesdays with Morrie the number of times it takes them to start changing the way they live their life.

I've half a mind not to return to CJ tomorrow, I'll feel so old and self-conscious and just plain weird because 3/4 of the students there are probably wishing they could leave and never come back every minute they have to spend in that school. And yet here we are, graduates and freed slaves of the school system, back to visit the school... visit...can you believe it? I think I will have a heavy breakfast tomorrow because I don't want the indignity of people witnessing the fact that I've come back to CJ to eat the school food because that is just plain lame. I'll just watch the others eat. I just hope they won't gush about the glorious food and how they miss it. Oh the shame.

In your eyes, the light, the heat. In your eyes, I am complete.

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