I seem to be experiencing something weird these days, something which should have happened quite some time ago before I reach this ripe age of 23. I am finding my role models. Which I find is weird, considering that at this (ripe old) age, I should already know what are the type of people I look up to and who they are; but like many other areas in my life, I am a very late bloomer, it seems, doesn't it?
Or, come to think of it, I am more aware of the exact characteristics which I find most admirable in people. Perhaps this awareness and introspect was not present in the past, but only now is it manifesting itself. Whatever it is, I'm thankful for it.
It might seem like this discerning quality is a good thing for me, but I think I've come to realize why I seem to neglect so many people in my life and choose to stick to the few. It is because I am constantly constantly constantly finding people with those qualities I admire and would like to work towards, and neglect people where those qualities are obviously lacking. That's not to say that the people I neglect are useless and without any good qualities, or people I don't appreciate at all. I appreciate ALL my friends. Because I believe everyone contributes a certain quality to the betterment of my life, and I enjoy all your company a lot.
If that makes me sound snobbish or elitist or that oft-said sentence (usually in disdain), "She chooses her friends"... Well I don't agree. We all feel this. It's just whether you're aware of this and are able to put them into sentences that's all, isn't it? There are people you stick more to, and it's not only because they're just always there in school, or in the social circle you run in. You stick to them because there are things that you share, there are ideals that you hold dear together, and at that time in your life, those are the kinds of people you need in your life.
It might seem that I'm cold and heartless in my functionalist views but truth is truth and sometimes emotions don't do any good to the final conclusion. This thinking makes it hard for me to find friends and I feel like such a loner sometimes but I can't help how I feel, and I can't help always wanting to find like-minded people.